I'd Be So Good To You
by caiti-bell1995
Summary: Cat is a depressed teenager starting her senior year at a new school. She meets Josh Ramsay and he quickly becomes her best friend. But when their lives start falling apart, will they both make it out alive. Warning: cutting, drugs, eating disorders, and of course lemons
1. Chapter 1

**So this idea has been floating around in my head for awhile. The chapters are going to be kind of short, but there will be a lot of them. I'm anticipating this story to be over 100,000 words when complete. I have the first 10-15 chapters already written and I will post one hopefully every day. Enjoy! :D Oh and before I forget...I own nothing familiar and blah blah...  
**

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**Chapter 1: Cat's P.O.V. Monday**

"Cat, wake up. You don't want to be late for school." Just how I wanted to wake up, being yelled at at 6 in the morning.

"Yes I do. Why can't I just stay home?"

"Sweetie you have to go, it's your first day."

"Fine," I growl, pulling myself out of bed "give me 10 minutes." I walk over to my closet and pull on some torn black skinny jeans and a purple plaid shirt, throw on my old purple high-tops, fix my black hair, and put on some eyeliner. I adjust my bracelets to make sure my cuts are covered as I stumble downstairs and head towards the door.

"Cat!" my mom yells after me, "don't you want breakfast?"

"I don't have time mom, I'll just grab something on the way." She nods in agreement, but I can't tell if she actually buys my lie. Instead of focusing on that I shove in my ear buds and wonder about the shit I'm going to have to face today. I'm still pissed at my parents for putting me through this. I mean, who wants to start at a new school their senior year.

Shorter than I thought possible, I arrive at school. I sigh heavily and walk inside, heading straight for the office. I hold my head down like I usually do and accidentally walk right into someone.

I start to fall and I wince expecting to hit the ground, but something catches me. I look up and instantly get lost in the most beautiful ice-blue eyes I have ever seen.

"Are you okay?" I hear.

I shake my head to clear it. "I'm fine," I mumble as I pull away from his arms. I take a step back and fully see the boy who caught me. He has black hair with blue bangs that keep falling into his eyes, which seem to be outlined in black eyeliner. His skin is pale so his simple black shirt and skinny jeans stand out against his skin. His clothes seem too big for his frame, but still incredibly tight-fitting.

"I'm Josh," he says extending his arm.

"I'm Cat," I say as I take his hand, shaking it slightly.

"You must be new here," he continues, "I've never seen you before."

"Um yeah, it's my first day; I was just headed to the office. Can you tell me where it is?"

"Do you want me to walk you there?" he asks.

"Sure," I reply, "at least then I won't get lost." I notice as we walk towards the office that people keep shooting us strange looks, I look over at Josh and seem him frowning slightly. I brush it off, it's probably nothing. We get to the office and Josh holds the door open for me. I thank him as we step in. I walk up to the counter, as I notice that Josh stays by the door.

"Hi, I'm new here. My name is Catherine Millitello."

"Oh yes dear," the secretary beams at me, "did you have any trouble finding the office?"

"Yes, but Josh helped me," I gesture towards him and her face falls instantly.

"Thank you Mr. Ramsay," she says forcing a grimace, "but you can head to class now."

He tilts his head in acknowledgement and exits the room without a word.

"Miss Millitello," the secretary calls my attention, "why don't I find you a student guide for the day? Just give me a second to pull someone out of first period."

"Why couldn't Josh have done it?" I ask her confused, "he was already here."

"I know dear, but I think I should find you a more—um—suitable guide."

"Oh, okay," I answer hesitantly. She points to some chairs by the wall and asks to me to wait over there. After a few minutes the door opens and a girl walks in. I take one look at her mini-skirt, high-heels, blond hair, and designer bag and decide I already don't like her.

"Miss Sovick," the secretary gushes, "thank you so much for coming down."

"Anything to help you, Mrs. Colmes," the blond girl responds, flipping her hair.

"Catherine, Haley Sovick will be your student guide. She is one of our most exemplary students." The blond girl turns to me, and her face instantly twists into a look of disgust.

"Oh great," I think to myself, "My student guide is a bitch." She turns on her heel and struts out the door as I follow. As we walk through the hall I notice the looks I'm getting are drastically different from when I was with Josh. Apparently Haley Sovick isn't just a bitch; she's the queen bitch, so anyone walking with her instantly earns respect. Damn this is going to be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided that since the chapters are short, I'd upload another today. SO I own nothing blah blah blah…. And enjoy **

**Chapter 2: Cat's POV Monday**

Haley stops in the middle of the hallway and turns to face me.

"Look here, emo-girl. Just because Mrs. Colmes asked me to show you around, that doesn't mean I want your pathetic face following me around all day, so just go away."

"Fine by me," I shrug, "your whore stench was bugging me anyway."

"You little bitch! You can't talk to me like that!" her hand swings out and slaps me. I don't even notice, as I pull my arm back and punch her in the mouth. Before Haley can hit me back, someone steps between us to shield me. Just as I'm about to tell them to fuck off and that I don't need help, I recognize the person. It's Josh.

"Oh look here," Haley taunts, "how surprising, the emo kids protecting each other. What Josh? Think if you find a girl as fucked up as you that she would actually want you? What would you do for a date, drug up and cut yourselves together; how romantic." Her lip curls into a sneer at the last word.

I want so badly to punch her again. I look up at Josh and I'm shocked to see that his face is flat and composed. The only emotion I can see is a twinge of sorrow in his eyes. I stow that thought away, promising to revaluate it later.

Realizing that she's not going to get a reaction out of Josh, Haley huffs in annoyance and stomps down the hallway.

Josh sighs and turns to look at me. "I can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?" he smirks at me.

"I didn't need your help," I point out.

"No you can definitely stand up for yourself," he says, still smirking, "but I doubt you wanted to get suspended on your first day of school for fighting."

I roll my eyes, but I know he's right. "Well thanks I guess," I mumble out.

"So since you scared your student guide away, do you want me to walk you to your first class?" Josh asks me.

"Sure," I reply glancing at my schedule, "first I have Calculus."

Josh looks at me with his eyebrow raised. "So you're smart? Damn," he mumbles.

I don't think I meant to hear that so I don't respond. We walk silently the rest of the way to my class and when we get there Josh once again tilts his head and leaves without a word. I walk into the classroom and everyone stares at me, whispering and laughing quietly. I head to the back of the room and sit down. I pull out my notebook hoping I could write some more before class starts. I'm halfway through the second verse when the teacher calls the class to attention. I ignore her, determined to finish this verse before I lose my train of thought.

"Catherine," I hear my full name being called, "would you please share with the rest of the class what is so important for you to be writing that you would ignore me?"

Shit, the teacher noticed I wasn't paying attention. "I would rather not," I reply hoping she would drop it. Thankfully she does. The rest of the morning passes pretty uneventfully. But then the bell rings for lunch. I notice that I have band right afterwards so maybe I can ditch lunch and hang out in the band room. I grab my guitar and walk away from the cafeteria. As I walk towards the door to the band room, I hear someone singing and playing the piano. Whoever it is has the most amazing voice. As I get closer to the door I can hear the lyrics.

"Everyone's around, no words are coming out.  
And I can't find my breathe, can we just say the rest with no sound.  
And I know this isn't enough, I still don't measure up.  
And I'm not prepared, sorry is never there when you need it.  
And I do want you know I hold you up above everyone.  
And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me  
And I'd be so good to you.  
I would.

Thought I saw a sign, somewhere between the lines.  
Maybe it's me, maybe I only see, what I want.  
But I still have your letter, just got caught between  
Someone I just invented, and who I really am and who I've become.

And I do want you know I hold you up above everyone.  
And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me  
And I'd be so good to you.  
Woahh  
You bring me higher.  
Yeah.  
I would.

And I do want you know I hold you up above everyone.  
And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me  
And I'd be so good to you.  
I'd be good to you,  
I'd be good to you,  
I'd be so good to you."

When the song finishes I turn and walk away from the band room, not wanting to get caught listening to such a private moment. I spend the rest of lunch hiding out in the bathroom thinking about my mystery singer. When the bell rings I leave the bathroom and go back to band.

When I walk through the door I look through the faces sitting in the class, wondering if one of them could be my mystery singer. I see Josh sitting in the back with the rest of the guitars so I try to forget about it and I go to sit by him. I spend the rest of the class stuck in the daze that only my guitar could put me in.

I go to the rest of my classes but I can't stop thinking about my mystery singer, I have to find out who he is.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Josh's POV Monday**

"Josh get ready for school!" my mom yells up the stairs. I put down my guitar and head to my dresser. I throw on a black long sleeve shirt and black skinny jeans. I fix my hair so my blue bangs cover my face and put on eyeliner to make my eyes stand out. I spend the next few minutes just sitting in my room.

I run down stairs just as my mom yells, "Josh the bus is here!"

I walk passed her and out the door, "Bye Mom."

I sigh as I walk towards the bus. I wonder how long I can use the "oops I ran out of time excuse" to skip breakfast. It's a lot easier than trying to throw it back up before I go to school.

"But," I think to myself as I get on the bus, "I can always go back to throwing up, it worked before."

I walk on the bus and sit down in an open seat, knowing no one would want me to sit by them. That's probably for the better today anyway, I haven't had a fix since last night and I'm already craving another. I have to remember to visit my dealer today. The bus pulls into school and I get off, thankfully everyone left me alone today. I walk through school not really paying attention to where I'm going. Suddenly I feel someone bump into me and I instinctively reach out to catch them. I look down and see a petite girl with black hair and grey eyes.

"Are you okay?" I ask her, realizing I'm staring.

She shakes her head and mutters, "I'm fine." She pulls herself out of my arms and I get a chance to actually look at her. She's so tiny, probably only 5'3'' compared to my 6'2''. But even for her height, she's very skinny. I look down at her face as her hair falls again to cover her left eye.

"I'm Josh," I say, extending my arm.

"I'm Cat," I hear her say as she takes my hand, shaking it slightly.

I take another look at her. I have never seen someone so beautiful. "You must be new here," I continue, "I've never seen you before."

"Um yeah, it's my first day; I was just headed to the office. Can you tell me where it is?"

"Do you want me to walk you there?" I ask hopefully.

"Sure," she replies, "at least then I won't get lost."

As we walk towards the office, people give me the same disgusted look I get everyday. I quickly realize they're also looking at Cat with that same look. I frown, feeling terrible that she's going to get treated like that. When we get to the office I hold the door open for her. She walks up to the counter but I stay by the door knowing the school officials don't really look highly upon me. I guess I can't really blame them. I do skip class a lot. They just don't know that it's to shoot up heroin.

"Yes, but Josh helped me," I hear Cat say my name and look up to see her gesturing to me.

"Thank you Mr. Ramsay," Mrs. Colmes says forcing a grimace at me, "but you can head to class now."

I tilt my head in goodbye and walk out. I head straight to the band room, knowing it would be empty. I always come here when I want to be alone. I sit at the piano and work on a song that I've been writing. As I work, I notice that my song has transformed. It's completely different than it was yesterday. Then I realize why, I'm writing the song thinking about that girl earlier; about Cat. The bell for first period rings and I leave. On my way to my class, I hear what sounds like a fight.

"You little bitch! You can't talk to me like that!" I hear the school slut, Haley, yell as I round the corner. I get there just in time to see her slap someone, who in turn punches her in the face. My eyes widen when I realize it's Cat who punched her. Haley looks ready to hit back so I jump in front of Cat, shielding her with my body.

"Oh look here," Haley taunts, "how surprising, the emo kids protecting each other. What Josh? Think if you find a girl as fucked up as you that she would actually want you? What would you do for a date, drug up and cut yourselves together; how romantic." Her lip curls into a sneer at the last word.

I work hard to keep my face emotionless after her speech, but her words sting like a bitch. It's really sad that most of the students already assume that I do drugs and cut myself, but since they're right I can't really defend myself. But I hate that everyone's going to assume the same things about Cat. She doesn't deserve that.

Once Haley realizes that I'm not going to respond she stomps away. I sigh and turn to look at Cat. "I can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?" I tease her, smirking.

"I didn't need your help," she points out.

"No you can definitely stand up for yourself," I agree, "but I doubt you wanted to get suspended on your first day of school for fighting."

She rolls her eyes but mumbles "Well thanks I guess."

"So since you scared your student guide away, do you want me to walk you to your first class?" I ask her.

"Sure," she replies glancing at her schedule, "first I have Calculus."

I look at her completely shocked. "So you're smart? Damn," I mutter. So much for her hanging out with me, by the end of the day the preps will have her hanging with them. We walk silently the rest of the way to her class and when we get there I tilt my head and leave without a word.

I go through the rest of morning, the usual comments of "emo", "gay", "fag", and "druggie" circulating around me. The bell rings for lunch I walk straight to the band room. I've spent every lunch here since freshman year. I sit at the piano determined to finish my song. I begin playing and quickly lose myself in the music.

"Everyone's around, no words are coming out.  
And I can't find my breathe, can we just say the rest with no sound.  
And I know this isn't enough, I still don't measure up.  
And I'm not prepared, sorry is never there when you need it.  
And I do want you know I hold you up above everyone.  
And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me  
And I'd be so good to you.  
I would.

Thought I saw a sign, somewhere between the lines.  
Maybe it's me, maybe I only see, what I want.  
But I still have your letter, just got caught between  
Someone I just invented, and who I really am and who I've become.

And I do want you know I hold you up above everyone.  
And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me  
And I'd be so good to you.  
Woahh  
You bring me higher.  
Yeah.  
I would.

And I do want you know I hold you up above everyone.  
And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me  
And I'd be so good to you.  
I'd be good to you,  
I'd be good to you,  
I'd be so good to you."

I hit the last note and smile with satisfaction. I pull out my notebook to make any last changes sitting at the piano. When the bell rings for the end of lunch I put away my stuff, grab my guitar, and head to my seat. I'm looking through my notes when I notice Cat standing in the doorway holding a guitar case. I didn't know she could play. Damn this girl is amazing. She sees me and smiles walking towards me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Cat's POV Tuesday**

The next morning starts out the same as the previous day. It's not until I'm walking to school that I remember my mystery singer. I decide that I would go to the band room during lunch again and see if I can find him. Just before I walk into school I notice Josh leaning against the wall smoking. I watch as he exhales the smoke and notice that his tongue is pierced. I head over to talk to him.

"Hey Josh," I half-smile at him.

He looks up surprised and quickly puts the cigarette out. "Oh hey Cat," he smiles at me.

"You didn't have to put that out," I say walking over to lean next to him. I pull out my own pack of cigarettes and offer one to him. I look up to see him smirking at me.

"I didn't expect you to be a smoker," he replied quietly. I just smiled at him and lit both of our cigarettes. We spent the rest of the time before school just talking. I really liked Josh; he was the only person at this school I felt comfortable around. When the bell rang, Josh walked me to class just like yesterday. The rest of the morning was pretty boring.

As soon as the bell rang for lunch I walked to the band room, but I didn't hear any music. I waited outside the door the entire period, but my mystery singer never showed up.

**Josh POV Tuesday **

I walk to school in the morning, not wanting to deal with the assholes on the bus. I get there early so I stay outside to smoke. I lean back against the wall and gently breathe out the smoke. I'm lost in thought so I don't notice Cat walking over.

"Hey Josh." I look up surprised and quickly put out my cigarette.

"Oh hey Cat," I smile at her. I hope she won't say anything about my smoking.

"You didn't have to put that out," she says walking over to lean next to me. She pulls out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and offers me one. I just smirk at her.

"I didn't expect you to be a smoker," I replied quietly. She just smiled at me and lit both of our cigarettes. We spent the rest of the time before school just talking. I really liked Cat; it was nice to have one person at this school who didn't judge me. When the bell rang, I walked her to class just like yesterday. The rest of the morning was pretty boring. I spent lunch that day just sitting in the band room writing songs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Cat's POV Two weeks later**

"What's wrong?" I ask Josh.

He looks at me feigning confusion, "Nothing."

"Josh, come on, tell me. I know something's wrong." We were sitting outside smoking just like we do every morning, but something was on Josh's mind.

"Don't worry about it Cat. It's no big deal."

"Fine," I tell him, "but I'm here if you ever want to talk." He grabs my hand and smiles at me.

"I know Cat, thanks."

I don't push him. We sit in silence the rest of the morning. As soon as the bell rings for lunch I walk to the band room just like I do every day. By the time I got there, I could already hear music playing.

This place is a hole, and I don't want to go.  
I wish we could stay here forever alone.  
This time that we waste, but i still love your taste.  
Don't let him take my place, don't just sit there.  
Sometimes I wish you would leave me.  
Well I'm not sick of you yet, is this as good as it gets,  
I'll just say it, or i could slip into you,  
Its so easy to come back into you.

I stand for awhile, and waited for words,  
Seen but not heard and struggled to try.  
My tongue's turning black, but I'll take you back.  
You're still the best more or less, I guess.  
I guess.

Don't you leave me,  
Well I'm not sick of you yet,  
Is that as good as it gets,  
I'll just say it, or I could slip into you,  
Its so easy to come back into you.  
It hurts me to say that it hurts me to stay.  
And it might be alright if you go.  
It hurts me to say that I want you to stay,  
But it might be alright if you go.

So leave me, well I'm not sick of you yet,  
Is that as good as it gets.  
I'll just try to hide it, or I could slip into you,  
It's so easy to come back into you.  
Sometimes I think that the bitter in you,  
And the quitter in me,  
Is the bitter in you and the quitter in me.  
The bitter in you, and the quitter in me,  
Is the bitter in you and the quitter in me.  
The bitter in you, and the quitter in me,  
Is the bitter in you and the quitter in me,  
Is better than the both of us.

This song was even more beautiful than the first. It held so much of the singer's pain. I had to know who this guy was. I walk into the room and see Josh sitting behind the piano. I don't know what came over me, but seeing Josh sitting there, knowing that he had been playing these songs, I couldn't help myself.

He looks up at me, "Cat, what are you—?" I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. It takes him a second to respond but he's quickly kissing me back. I feel his tongue run across my lips and open my mouth to let him in. I feel his tongue slowly exploring my mouth and I moan from the taste of him. His tongue piercing hits my tongue and I moan again. Without breaking the kiss, Josh pulls me down so I'm straddling him on the piano bench. I feel him harden beneath me and it turns me on even more. I moan and start grinding on him, in turn making him moan. And it is the sexiest sound I have ever heard. Josh pulls his lips away from mine and starts kissing down my neck.

"Josh," I breathily say.

Suddenly the lunch bell rings and Josh and I jump apart. I nervously try to fix my clothes and my hair, while Josh just stares at me.

"What?" I ask.

"What the hell was that, Cat?" he asks confused.

"I'm sorry," I mutter and turn my head. Shit he hated it. Why did I have to do that?

"Don't apologize Cat," I look at him and he's smiling, "That was amazing. I just wasn't expecting it."

"I—." I'm cut off when the door opens and our band class starts walking in.

"We'll talk later," Josh tells me. He walks over to sit in his normal seat and I can't help but smirk when he struggles to adjust himself in his pants, his skinny jeans leaving little to the imagination.

"This is your fault," he accuses in a low voice.

"I'm sorry," I purr, "I'll make it up to you later." A look of pure lust flashes through Josh's eyes and he lets out a low moan. It takes all of my will power not to walk over to him and finish what we started.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Josh's POV**

"What's wrong?" I hear Cat ask, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I look at her and pretend like I don't know what she's talking about, "Nothing."

I can't tell Cat what's wrong. I don't want her to know about my heroin addiction.

"Josh, come on, tell me. I know something's wrong." She continues.

"Don't worry about it Cat. It's no big deal."

"Fine," she tells me, "but I'm here if you ever want to talk." I grab her hand and smile at her, this is why she's my best friend.

"I know Cat, thanks."

She doesn't push me. We sit in silence the rest of the morning. As soon as the bell rings for lunch I walk to the band room just like I do every day. I sat down at the piano. I had finally finished my latest song and I really wanted to play it.

This place is a hole, and I don't want to go.  
I wish we could stay here forever alone.  
This time that we waste, but i still love your taste.  
Don't let him take my place, don't just sit there.  
Sometimes I wish you would leave me.  
Well I'm not sick of you yet, is this as good as it gets,  
I'll just say it, or i could slip into you,  
Its so easy to come back into you.

I stand for awhile, and waited for words,  
Seen but not heard and struggled to try.  
My tongue's turning black, but I'll take you back.  
You're still the best more or less, I guess.  
I guess.

Don't you leave me,  
Well I'm not sick of you yet,  
Is that as good as it gets,  
I'll just say it, or I could slip into you,  
Its so easy to come back into you.  
It hurts me to say that it hurts me to stay.  
And it might be alright if you go.  
It hurts me to say that I want you to stay,  
But it might be alright if you go.

So leave me, well I'm not sick of you yet,  
Is that as good as it gets.  
I'll just try to hide it, or I could slip into you,  
It's so easy to come back into you.  
Sometimes I think that the bitter in you,  
And the quitter in me,  
Is the bitter in you and the quitter in me.  
The bitter in you, and the quitter in me,  
Is the bitter in you and the quitter in me.  
The bitter in you, and the quitter in me,  
Is the bitter in you and the quitter in me,  
Is better than the both of us.

Just as I finish the song. I hear the door open. I look up and I see Cat. I can't place the look on her face. She's looking at me differently than she has before. Her eyes look almost hungry.

"Cat, what are you—?" she cuts me off by pressing her lips to mine. It takes me a second to respond but I quickly start kissing her back. I run my tongue across her lips and she opens her mouth to let me in. I slowly start exploring her mouth and she moans. I flick her tongue with my tongue piercing and she moans again. God that sound's sexy. Without breaking the kiss, I pull her down so she's straddling me on the piano bench. I start to harden beneath her and I hope she doesn't mind. I hear her moan again and she starts grinding on me. Holy shit does that feel good. I let out a loud moan at the feeling. I pull my lips away from hers and start kissing down her neck, wondering how far she'll let me go.

"Josh," she breathes into my ear.

Suddenly the lunch bell rings and Cat and I jump apart. She tries to fix her clothes and hair, while I just stare at her.

"What?" she asks.

"What the hell was that, Cat?" I ask confused.

"I'm sorry," she mutters and turns her head. Wait does she think I didn't like it?

"Don't apologize Cat," I smile at her when she looks at me, "That was amazing. I just wasn't expecting it."

"I—." She's cut off when the door opens and our band class starts walking in.

"We'll talk later," I tell her. I stand up quickly trying to hide my hard-on. I sit in my seat struggling to adjust myself and I grab my guitar to cover the obvious bulge in my skinny jeans. I look up at Cat to see her smirking at me.

"This is your fault," I accuse in a low voice.

"I'm sorry," Cat purrs, "I'll make it up to you later." I can't help but let out a small moan at her promise.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Cat's POV Next Day**

I wake up the next morning happier than I've felt in a long time. I was so excited to see Josh, but then the dread settled in. What if he changed his mind over night? He didn't want to kiss me, he just felt bad. Shit.

I get ready for school and start walking on autopilot, worrying about today the entire time. I walk towards me and Josh's spot and realize he's not there waiting for me. My heart instantly falls.

"Great," I say to myself, "now he doesn't want to be around me at all."

Just like my first day, I enter school by myself with my head down. The morning passes and I don't see Josh. I head to the band room during lunch. As I approach the door, I hear what sounds like someone crying. I open the door and see Josh in the corner of the room. He's crying and there's blood everywhere. I rush over.

"Josh! What happened?" I then notice that his sleeves are rolled up and his arms are covered in cuts, scars, and needle-tracks. I look on the ground next to him and see a needle and a razor. As soon as he notices me, he wipes away his tears and struggles to sit up.

"Oh Josh," I cry. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to lose you," he whispers.

"You're not going to lose me because of this," I comfort him. "We all have our problems," I say as I roll up my sleeves and show him my arms. He looks at the cuts and scars that cover my arms.

"Not you too Cat," he says sadly. "You don't deserve this."

"Neither do you Josh," I tell him as I wrap my arms around him.

"Cat," Josh whispers in my ear, "kiss me." It comes out more as a demand than a question. And I instantly oblige. This kiss is much less rough than our first. Our lips move together softly, trying to comfort each other. My hands find their way to his hair when his tongue slips into my mouth. We kiss like this for several minutes but then Josh pulls away.

"Thank you, for not leaving me."

"I'll never leave you Josh," I say as I lean down to kiss him once more.

**Josh's POV: Same Morning as Cat's POV**

This morning started off great. I woke up earlier than usual and decided I could get to school early to wait for Cat. I sit in our normal spot waiting for her to get there when Haley and her bitches show up.

"So Josh," she starts, "Your girlfriend leave you already?" I stare strait ahead, determined to ignore her but she doesn't stop. "Not even a screw-up like her would want you. You're just a worthless piece of shit." Her words were tearing me apart, but I didn't let her see that. I refused to acknowledge that she was even there. I guess she got bored of harassing me, because she left after that.

I try not to think about what Haley said, but part of me agrees with her. Cat deserves so much better. Why would she want to be with me? Yesterday was probably just a mistake. She didn't mean to kiss me. I felt my anxiety crash over me in waves as I stood up and rushed to the band room, tears streaming down my face. I sat down and opened my bag, finding everything I had to make me forget. I start with the needle, filling it up and bringing it to my arm. I tighten my belt around my arm and find a vein, quickly injecting the drug. Once I start to feel the effects of the drug, I pick up my blade and make several strait gashes across my arms sobbing the entire time. Between the blood loss and the drugs I was getting lightheaded. I don't know how long I sat there, but someone found me.

"Josh! What happened?" oh no it's Cat. I wipe away my tears hoping she didn't see me crying, as I struggle to sit up. Then I look down and realize my sleeves are still rolled up and Cat can see my arms.

"Oh Josh," she cries. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to lose you," I whisper.

"You're not going to lose me because of this," she says softly. "We all have our problems." She rolls up her sleeves and shows me her arms. I look at the cuts and scars that cover her skin. Why would she do this to herself?

"Not you too Cat," I say sadly. "You don't deserve this."

"Neither do you Josh," she tell me as she wraps her arms around me. But she's wrong, I do deserve this.

"Cat," I whisper in her ear, "kiss me." I need to forget the pain. She leans down and presses her lips to mine. This kiss is much less rough than our first. Our lips move together softly, trying to comfort each other. Her hands find their way to my hair when my tongue slips into her mouth. We kiss like this for several minutes but then I pull away. I have to say something.

"Thank you, for not leaving me."

"I'll never leave you Josh," she says, leaning down to kiss me once more.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Cat's POV **

"Let's get out of here," Josh says suddenly.

I wipe the last of my tears away as I chuckle against his lips, "Sure, why not?"

Josh stands up, pulling me with him. We walk out of the band room and head towards the front doors. I keep peering around hoping no one catches us ditching.

"Excuse me." Shit we're going to get caught. "Do you two have passes?"

Josh looks at me. "Trust me?" he mouths. I nod back, wondering what he's going to do.

He turns back to Mrs. Colmes. "No, we don't have passes but we're leaving."

"You can't do that!" Mrs. Colmes interjects.

Josh winks at me and grabs my hand. "Watch us," he smirks. With that, we turn and run out the door and down the street, laughing the entire way. Once we turn the corner, we slow to a walk.

"So what now?" As soon as the words leave my mouth, it starts pouring down rain.

"Let's go to my house until the rain stops. It's just up ahead." We walk towards Josh's, not even bothering to run since we're both already soaked. Josh walks up to a charming little home, not at all like I pictured his house. Josh leads me inside and closes the door behind us.

"I'll go get you some clothes to wear so yours can dry," he says walking upstairs. He returns a few seconds later carrying a pile of fabric. "It's not the best," he says, "But it will have to work for now."

He hands me the clothes and points to the bathroom. I strip off my clothes and grab the ones Josh gave me. I smirk when I realize that it's just one of his shirts. I pull it over my head and it falls to almost my knees. I leave the bathroom just as Josh walks down the stairs. He's changed too, but he didn't bother to put on a shirt. I can't help but stare at him. He's thin, but he still has a lot of muscle. His abs were perfectly sculpted and formed a deep-v that disappeared into the waistband of his jeans.

"I'm sorry," Josh's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "I wasn't thinking. I'll go put on a shirt so you don't have to see my scars."

"Josh," I stop him, "I wasn't staring because of your scars. I was staring because you are the sexiest man I have ever seen." He looks shocked for a second but then he smirks.

"Is that so?" he asks in a low voice.

"And of course you have to walk around shirtless," I continue, "it's torture."

"And you're not torturing me?" he asks. "You're wearing just my shirt.

"Just your shirt," I repeat emphasizing the 'just'. Josh eyes grow dark with lust.

"Are you serious?" he asks, almost growling.

"You'll have to find out for yourself," I taunt him. Josh lets out a low moan and rushes over to me, smashing his lips against mine. This kiss is rough and full of need. Josh shoves his tongue into my mouth roughly. The cool metal of his tongue ring adding to the sensation. I moan into Josh's mouth and twist my hands in his hair. His hands move down my hips and wrap around my thighs. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. I feel him pressed against my center and I moan again grinding my hips against his. Josh moans and I feel a rush of wetness between my legs at the sound.

I don't even notice that we're moving until Josh falls back onto the couch. I push his shoulders so he lays flat. I straddle his stomach so I can lean down and kiss him.

"Holy shit!" he groans, "You were serious." I smirk at him and him again. Josh finds the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. Suddenly he flips us so he's on top. He kisses down my neck to my chest. He pulls my right breast into his mouth as he massages the other with his hand. I gasp and grind my hips on his trying to find some friction. Once Josh is done with my breasts, his mouth finds mine again as his hand slides down my body and between my legs. I feel his fingers lightly brush my slit.

"More," I moan into his ear. I feel him start to push one finger into me and I thrust against his hand.

"Damn," Josh mutters, "You're so tight." He pulls his finger out and pushes it back again making me moan. He does this a few more time before adding a second finger. He starts thrusting into me again, but this time he curls his fingers inside me hitting an amazing spot.

"Oh god, Josh! More!" I gasp. He inserts a third finger stretching me even more. He keeps fucking me with his hand and I feel my stomach start to tense. "Josh," I moan as I hit my climax. I feel my walls clench around his fingers while he continues to thrust into me, letting me come down from my high. He pulls his fingers out and, with a sexy smirk on his face, he licks them clean. Damn that's hot. I pull him down to kiss him while my hands find his waist and undo his pants. I push them down as far as I can and Josh pulls them off the rest of the way. The only thing separating us now was his boxers. I start pushing them off too, but Josh stops me.

"We don't have to do this," he tells me, "if you don't want to."

"I want this more than anything Josh," I answer honestly. I kiss him again and this time he lets me get rid of his boxers.

He pulls away, "Give me one second." He grabs his pants off the floor and takes something out of the pocket. He rips the package open and I realize it's a condom. I watch as he rolls it onto himself and I realize for the first time just how big he is.

"That's going to fit in me?" I ask Josh hesitantly. He chuckles and nods, leaning over me again. He settles between my legs and I feel his tip press at my entrance. He pushes into me a little bit, pulls out, and pushes back in a little more each time. He's about half way in when he hits stops. I look at him confused.

"I'm sorry," he tells me as he thrusts in all the way. The pain is terrible, I feel like I'm being split apart. I feel a tear escape my eye and Josh kisses it away, cooing apologies. He stills inside of me, allowing me to adjust to his size. The pain starts to fade and I give an experimental thrust of my hips.

"Okay Josh," I tell him, "You can move." He starts thrusting into me slowly at first and what little pain was left quickly turns into pleasure.

"Faster," I beg him. Josh loses what little control he has left and starts pounding into me. The feeling is amazing and it isn't long before I feel my stomach tightening.

"Josh," I moan, "I'm gonna cum."

"Me too," he pants out. Just a couple more thrusts and my orgasm hits. I scream and cling to Josh as I pulse around him, sending him into his own orgasm. He pulls out and collapses on top of me.

"Holy shit," I breathe out, "That was...just…wow."

He chuckles, "I agree." Josh sits up and I try to as well, but a sharp pain between my legs makes me wince. "I'm sorry," Josh says.

"Don't be," I tell him, "I expected it to hurt my first time and besides it was so amazing that I really don't care."

"Good," he smirks, "because that was amazing and I plan on doing it again."

I slap his arm playfully. "Was it really amazing for you? I mean, I'm sure you've been with girls who actually know what they're doing but I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did."

Josh laughs at me. "Actually this was my first time too," he admits. "And trust me; I enjoyed it just as much as you did."

I lean over and kiss him before grabbing his shirt and pulling it back over my head. Josh pulls his boxers back on then lays back down on the couch, pulling me with him. I lie on his chest and listen to his steady breathing as I fall asleep.

* * *

**So I'm not sure if I'll write this chapter from Josh's POV. What do you guys think?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Cat's POV**

I woke up to the said of a door opening.

"Josh!" I hear. "Are you here?"

"Shit!" I say under my breath. I shake Josh's arm trying to wake him. His eyes open but he rolls over to go back to sleep.

"Josh wake up! We fell asleep and your mom's home!"

That woke him up. "Shit!" He jumps up and quickly puts his pants back on. I pull down my shirt a little more and sit on one end of the couch. Once Josh is done he sits at the other. We both pretend to be asleep when his mom walks in. Josh is the first to "wake up".

"Oh hey mom," he yawns, "I didn't hear you come in."

"Its okay sweetie, I'm sorry for waking you up. But shouldn't you and Cat still be at school?"

"Yea but Cat wasn't feeling good and her parents weren't home so I brought her here to rest." Wow that sounded like a convincing lie even to me. Well I guess this is a good time to wake up.

"Hello Corlynn," I greet looking up at her.

"Are you feeling any better dear?" she asks me concerned. "Do you need anything?"

"Thank you but I'm feeling much better. I guess I just needed some rest." I stand up and notice her looking strangely at my shirt. Shit, I forgot I was still wearing Josh's shirt. Luckily Josh came to my rescue.

"It started raining on the way over here so I threw Cat's clothes in the dryer and let her borrow some," he explains. She nods but I swear she was smirking. Josh walks out of the room, probably to grab my clothes. I stare at the ground the entire time he's gone hoping Corlynn won't say anything.

When Josh comes back I grab my clothes and head to the bathroom to change. I look in the mirror and realize why Corlynn was smirking; I had major sex hair. I throw on my clothes and try to fix my hair as best as I can. I walk back into the living room to see Josh's mom trying to hold back laughter. I look over at Josh and he looks so uncomfortable. As soon as he sees me he jumps off the couch and rushes to me.

"Mom, I'm going to walk Cat home," he says pulling me towards the door.

"Do I even want to know what happened when I was gone?" I ask him once we're outside.

He chuckles a little, "Probably not, I forgot how observant my mom can be."

"Oh no," I groan. "She knows, doesn't she?"

"Yes. When you left she gave me a speech on the importance of 'being safe.'"

"Well I'm glad I missed that one," I say laughing.

"Oh don't feel left out, she probably has a speech planned for you too," he smirks at me.

I try to glare at him, but I can't help but smile. He grabs my hand and we walk the rest of the way in silence. When we get to my house, I can't help but sigh.

"What's wrong?" Josh asks.

"I don't want you to leave," I admit.

He kisses me, "I know, I don't want to leave."

"See you tomorrow?" I ask.

"Of course," he smiles at me. After one last kiss, I turn and walk inside.

As soon as I close the door I hear my mom, "Cat! Can you come in here please."

I completely forgot that I skipped school. Shit she sounds kinda pissed. I walk into the living room.

My mom's standing in front of the couch. "Sit down," she tells me. "I got a call from your school today, saying you skipped your afternoon classes."

"I wasn't feeling good. So a friend let me rest at their house," I explained.

"I want to talk to you about that friend. According to Mrs. Colmes, you are making the wrong kind of friends. She told me about Josh Ramsay. He's failing most of his classes, he ditches all the time, and he is supposedly involved in drugs! You are not to see him again."

"Mom, you don't even know him! He's a great guy!" I yell.

"I don't care! I want you to stay away from him! Go upstairs; you're grounded for two weeks."

I walk up to my room without another word, blinking back tears. After I close and lock my door, I go straight to my dresser. I pull open the top drawer and dig around until I find my razor. I slide to the floor sobbing as I press the cool metal to my skin. I drag it across my skin again and again. I watch the blood bubble up and drip down my arm onto the floor. I don't know how long I sit there before I decide to get up. I wash the blood off my arm, bandage my cuts, and lay down praying for sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry for this being such a short chapter, but I promise I'll make up for it! I promise I won't abandon this story, I just started school and haven't had as much time to write.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Cat's POV**

A knock on my window wakes me up a few hours later. I look outside and see a figure by my window. As soon as I recognize him, I pull open the window.

"Josh!" I whisper, "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep and I missed you," he smiles at me.

"I missed you too but my mom can't catch you here," I tell him.

"Don't worry. I'll be quiet," he reassures me. "Now come here." He pulls me close to him and kisses me. When he shoves his tongue in my mouth, I reach up and lock my arms around his neck. Josh pulls away and I panic. What did I do wrong? He moves my arms from around his neck and grabs my wrists flipping them over between us. He lightly touches the gauze.

"Cat," he says sadly, "why?" I look up and see that he has tears in his eyes. I break down sobbing and bury myself in his chest.

"I'm so sorry," I cry. "My mom and I got in a fight and I was just so angry. She thinks she can control my life, but all she does is ruin it. I finally find something that makes me happy and she tries to take it away."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"She said I couldn't see you anymore. But I can't lose you, I-I don't know what I'd do without you Josh."

"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere," he says wrapping his arms around me. He holds me for a few minutes until my tears stop. "Can I see?" he asks suddenly. I don't answer immediately. "Please," he adds.

"Okay," I whisper. I unwrap the bandages from my wrists and hold them out for Josh to look at. His fingers ghost over the cuts before he leans down and gently presses his lips to them.

"Cat," he says looking up at me. "I think I love you." My heart fluttered at his words.

"I think I love you too Josh."

I grab his face and pull him up to kiss me. I push him back gently until he falls back on my bed. I move to straddle him again never breaking the kiss. This time was completely different than our first. It was slow and gentle and full of love. Josh held me so close whispering his love in my ear the entire time. Afterwards I lie in Josh's arms, happier than I have ever been. Just as I start to doze off, Josh whispers in my ear.

"I love you Cat."

"I love you too," I reply just before I sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Cat's POV**

I wake up in the morning and reach over trying to find Josh. He's not there, but I feel a piece of paper. I grab it and sit up to read it.

-Cat

Sorry I had to leave, but I didn't want your mom to find me here. Have a good morning and just remember that if something bad happens, you'll be in my arms soon enough.

-Love you always, Josh

I can't help but smile. I would have liked to wake up next to Josh, but I understand why he couldn't stay. I stand up and notice that I'm still a little sore. I wince at the pain but I have to smile at the memory of why I was sore. I rush to get ready for school knowing that the sooner I got there, the sooner I could be with Josh.

I go downstairs and try to sneak out the door without my mom noticing me.

"Cat," I hear as soon I open the door. I am not up for this today.

"Yes mom?" I answer as she walks into the kitchen.

"I better not hear anything else about you and that Ramsay boy, understand?"

"Mom I'm not arguing with you anymore, but I'm still going to see Josh." I tell her as I walk out the door. I head to school still going over the conversation with my mother. Why can't she just listen to me? She'd really like Josh if she actually got to know him, but of course she's too damn stubborn to even try. I was still pissed when I got to school but as soon as I saw Josh I forgot about all about this morning.

I walk over to him and before I can even say a word Josh kisses me. After a few seconds I pull away to breathe.

"Well good morning to you too," I giggle.

"Sorry I left before you woke up. After what you said about your mom yesterday I knew she wouldn't be too happy if she found me in your bed this morning."

"I understand but you should have woke me up," I jokingly pout.

"You're too beautiful when you're sleeping. I couldn't wake you up," he explains and then a playful glint reaches his eyes. "Besides I think you needed your rest after yesterday."

Two can play at this game. I smirk at him, "Don't worry, next time you'll be the one needing the rest." He growls and then pulls me in for another kiss. His tongue is busy exploring my mouth when the school bell rings. Josh breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against mine.

"Ready for another day of hell?" he asks.

"Not at all, let's go." He grabs my hand as we walk into school. I guess our kiss outside didn't go unnoticed because people were staring at us as we walked down the hallway. Josh kissed me goodbye and I headed into my first class. I walk to my seat in the back but someone grabs my arm and stops me.

"So little miss slut found someone else to fuck with." Damnit I am not in the mood to deal with Haley today.

"Let go of me," I growl trying to pull my arm away.

"Not until you know what you're getting yourself into. You know he won't stay with you," she tells me. "He'll fuck you and move on to someone better," she smirks at me, "It's not like he could do worse than you anyway."

I refuse to give her the satisfaction of my reaction. I hold back my tears as I rip my arm away. "Shut the fuck up! You don't know what you're talking about, Josh loves me!"

"We'll see." That's the last thing I hear as I rush towards the bathroom. I lock the stall behind me and curl up crying. Josh wouldn't hurt me, would he? Maybe Haley's right; maybe he is just using me. I sat in the bathroom crying until I heard lunch bell. I cleaned myself up and walked slowly to the band room. Every step I took, I felt better. Haley's just a stupid bitch. I know Josh loves me. I began running, needing to be in his arms. I run to the band room and notice that Josh isn't alone. I step inside just as Josh presses his lips to Haley's.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Josh's POV**

I wake up in bed next to Cat. I look over at the clock; it's only 3am. I lay there and just watch her sleep for a few minutes. How could someone so perfect love me but not herself? As I stared at her, I got an idea for a song. I jump out of bed and grab a piece of paper and a pen from the desk. I move to sit back on the bed. The lyrics just seemed to fly onto the paper. I finish the song just as the sun is coming up. As much as I don't want to, I know I have to leave. I write Cat a note and kiss her forehead before I turn and climb out the window. I walk home and change. I wave to my mom on my way out and I head to school. I sit by Cat and I's usual spot and wait for her to get here. When I see her I stand up and pull her in for a kiss not even bothering to say anything.

"Well good morning to you too," she giggles.

"Sorry I left before you woke up. After what you said about your mom yesterday I knew she wouldn't be too happy if she found me in your bed this morning."

"I understand but you should have woke me up," she pouts.

"You're too beautiful when you're sleeping. I couldn't wake you up," I explain and then to mess with her I add. "Besides I think you needed your rest after yesterday."

She smirks suggestively at me, "Don't worry, next time you'll be the one needing the rest." I growl and pull her in for another kiss. I'm in the middle of exploring her mouth when the school bell rings. I break the kiss and rest my forehead against hers.

"Ready for another day of hell?" I ask.

"Not at all, let's go." I laugh at her answer and grab her hand as we walk into school. I notice people staring at us more than usual and I groan internally. I can already tell this is going to be a bad day. I kiss Cat goodbye and walk to my class. My morning passes by pretty uneventfully. I finish up the notes for my song and I decide that I'm going to sing it to Cat during lunch. When the lunch bell rings I rush to the band room excited to play Cat her song. I'm tuning my guitar when I hear the door open and her walk in.

"I have a surprise for you," I tell her without turning around.

"Is that so?" a nasally voice replies. I whip my head around and realize it's not Cat; it's Haley. I glare at her.

"What's wrong Joshy?" she pouts, "Not happy to see me?"

"Not really, I thought you were someone else," I tell her.

"Oh yes, your little girlfriend. You know, you could do so much better. A strong man like you deserves a real woman, not some little depressed girl," Haley says walking closer to me.

"Will you just leave?!" I snap. "I told you I'm waiting for someone."

"But Joshy," she whines. "Why wait for her when you can have me?" she says placing her hand on my arm and leaning closer. Before I realize what she's doing, I feel Haley press her lips to mine. I push her away; beyond angry at the bitch. But as soon as I pull away I hear a gasp from the doorway. I look up just in time to see Cat turn and run out of the room with tears streaming down her face.

I try to run after her but Haely grabs my arm trying to stop me.

"Damnit!" I yell, "Let go of me bitch!"

I rip my arm out of her grasp and run down the hall after Cat. I run out of the school, knowing she wouldn't still be there. I run to her house panicking the entire way. Cat's so fragile already, what if this breaks her. Please don't do anything stupid I plead with her in my head. I get to her house and open the door with the spare key under the mat. I go upstairs to look for her. I walk into her room hoping she's there. Her room is a disaster; it looks like clothes were torn out of her dresser and thrown across the room. I'm getting really scared now. I see her bathroom door is closed and try to open it but it's locked.

"Cat, please open the door," I plead. I get no response.

"Cat!" I yell. "Open the damn door!" I still hear nothing. Screw it I think as I kick in the door. The image I see before me will forever haunt me. Cat is lying on the floor in a puddle of blood, both wrists are slit.

"No!" I cry. I wrap her in my arms as I dial 911.

"I need help! My girlfriend, she's bleeding! Please please help me," I sob into the phone. The operator tells me that an ambulance is one the way. I hang up and hug Cat close to me sobbing.

"Please live, Cat," I beg, "I love you so much. You mean everything to me, please don't leave me." It feels like years until the ambulance arrives and I'm still sobbing when it does.

"Please," I beg the paramedic, "Please save her."

"We'll try our best," is all he says before he walks away. I ride in the ambulance with Cat, I can't leave her now. I'm told to sit in the waiting room while the doctors try to save her. I sit in the chair, tears still streaming down my face, but my mind blank. A few hours later a doctor walks out.

"Did you come in with Catherine Millitello?" he asks

"Yes, is she okay?" I blurt out.

"We don't know yet. We did everything we could, but she lost quite a lot of blood."

"What do you mean you don't know?" I snap, "Is she going to make it?!"

"I told you, we aren't sure. Do you want to come back and sit with her?" he asks. I nod and follow him down the hall and into a room. Cat is lying on the bed. Her skin is usually pale, but now it's almost a ghostly pale.

"There are some other things I'd like to talk about. I noticed some things that may have a negative impact on her chances of survival," the doctor tells me.

"Okay?" I answer confused.

"It appears that Ms. Millitello has been dealing with self-harming behavior for a while now. Were you aware of this?" he asks me.

"Yes," I answer honestly. "I was trying to help her. Is that all?"

"I'm afraid not, she is also extremely malnourished. It appears that she has also been suffering from Anorexia Nervosa."

I let out a straggled sob and burry my head in my heads. How did I not notice this? How did I not know that the girl who means more than anything to me was starving herself?

"I take it you were not aware of this?" the doctor asks.

"No," I choke out, "I had no idea."

"We have a feeding tube installed for now to rebuild her nutrients, but between the blood loss and the starvation, her chances aren't very good."

I feel my heart tear apart at his words. "Can you leave me alone with her for now?" I ask him.

"Of course son, I hope she wakes up." He pulls the door shut behind him and I let my

tears fall freely. I hold Cat's hand gently and just cry, letting out all of my pain. Once I'm out of tears, I realize that there's something I need to do.

"Cat," I say out loud, "I love you so much. I wrote this for you this morning when I was lying in bed next to you and I was going to sing it for you. But now-," I break off crying, "—now I don't know if I'll ever get another chance to do this." I start to sing to her softly, letting all my love pour into my singing.

_You thought by now  
You'd have it figured out  
You can't erase the way it pulls  
When seasons change  
It hurts sometimes  
To find where you begin  
You are perfect porcelain_

The slow and simple melody  
Of tears you cannot keep from me  
It's alright if you don't know what you need  
I'm right here when  
You need someone to see  
It's not speak  
Or forever hold your peace  
It's alright to take time  
And find where you've been  
You are perfect porcelain

The slow and simple melody  
Of tears you cannot keep from me  
It's alright if you don't know what you need

Oh, when your heart releases,  
You won't fall to pieces  
You'll let those old diseases lie  
Oh, and your heart releases,  
You won't fall to pieces  
And your breath comes crashing in  
Like perfect porcelain

The slow and simple melody  
Of tears you cannot keep from me  
It's alright if you don't know what you need

"I love you Cat," I tell her again kissing her softly.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Cat's POV (In the band room)**

Haley's lips pressed down onto Josh's and I froze in shock. Before I could even process what I saw, I turned and ran out of the school. The scene keeps replaying in my head like a terrible nightmare. I try to rationalize what I had just seen but I can only reach one conclusion: Josh never loved me. This realization destroys me.

By the time I reach my house I'm sobbing uncontrollably. I pull open the door and run upstairs, the same thoughts running through my head. Josh doesn't love me. He never loved me. Why did I believe that he did? No one loves me. I'm not good enough for anyone. I yank open the top dresser drawer looking for the one thing that could make the pain stop. I shove clothes out of my way and find my razor on the bottom. I grip the small piece of metal tightly as I walk into the bathroom and lock the door.

I drop onto the floor, still crying. I press the cool metal to my wrist and press down hard, pulling the blade across my skin. Blood instantly pours down my arm and I feel relief immediately. I don't hesitate to make three more identical cuts on the same wrist before repeating the action on my right wrist.

By the time I finish the last cut, I'm already feeling dizzy. Black spots start to cloud my vision just as I hear a knock on the door. The last thing I see before I slip away is Josh bursting into the room.

I don't know how long I'm unconscious, but the first thing I remember is hearing people talking all around me. I try to open my eyes, but it doesn't work. Instead I try to focus on the conversation around me.

"-negative impact on her chances of survival," is the first thing I hear.

"Okay?" a different man answers. This voice sounds familiar.

"It appears that Ms. Millitello has been dealing with self-harming behavior for a while now. Were you aware of this?" the first person is talking again.

"Yes," the second voice answers again. "I was trying to help her. Is that all?" Where have I heard this voice before.

"I'm afraid not, she is also extremely malnourished. It appears that she has also been suffering from Anorexia Nervosa," the first man says.

I hear what sounds like crying and I know it must be the second man. My heart breaks at the sound. This man shouldn't be crying.

"I take it you were not aware of this?" the first man asks.

"No," the man answers, "I had no idea."

"We have a feeding tube installed for now to rebuild her nutrients, but between the blood loss and the starvation, her chances aren't very good." There is a pause at the first man's words.

"Can you leave me alone with her for now?" the second man asks.

"Of course son, I hope she wakes up." I hear a door shut and I feel someone grab my hand. The second man must still be here and he's still crying. He sounds like he's in so much pain and it make me want to cry. Who is this man and why does he mean so much to me?

"Cat," I hear after awhile. I guess my name is Cat, "I love you so much. I wrote this for you this morning when I was lying in bed next to you and I was going to sing it for you. But now-," he stops to cry, "—now I don't know if I'll ever get another chance to do this." And he starts to sing.

_You thought by now  
You'd have it figured out  
You can't erase the way it pulls  
When seasons change  
It hurts sometimes  
To find where you begin  
You are perfect porcelain _

At the last line, I recognize the voice: Josh._  
_

_The slow and simple melody  
Of tears you cannot keep from me  
It's alright if you don't know what you need  
I'm right here when  
You need someone to see  
It's not speak  
Or forever hold your peace  
It's alright to take time  
And find where you've been  
You are perfect porcelain_

The slow and simple melody  
Of tears you cannot keep from me  
It's alright if you don't know what you need

Oh, when your heart releases,  
You won't fall to pieces  
You'll let those old diseases lie  
Oh, and your heart releases,  
You won't fall to pieces  
And your breath comes crashing in  
Like perfect porcelain

The slow and simple melody  
Of tears you cannot keep from me  
It's alright if you don't know what you need

"I love you Cat," he says softly once he's finished.

"I love you too, Josh," I think.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Josh's POV**

I stayed in the hospital, refusing to leave Cat's side until she woke up. The nurses had tried to contact her parents, but they got no response.

"Will she wake up?" I ask the doctor as he examines her.

He sighs heavily, "I don't know, there has still been no change." He finishes his examination and heads towards the door. "Don't give up hope son, there's still a chance," he says as he leaves.

"Please wake up, Cat," I beg as I grab her hand once again and sit back trying to rest.

Something startles me and I sit up. I must have fallen asleep because the sun is up now. I try to find what woke me, only to feel something touch my hand. I had laid my hand on top of Cat's before I fell asleep, but something was moving. It took me a second to realize what that meant.

Cat. Cat was moving. She was awake. Cat was awake! I jab the call button repeatedly until a nurse answers.

"Can I help you?" I hear through the intercom.

I'm so excited that all I can manage to do is yell "She's awake!" into the speaker.

I take Cat's hand in both of mine. "Open your eyes, Cat. It's me. It's Josh. Please open your eyes."

I look at her face just in time to see her eyes slowly move.

"Cat, Can you hear me?" I ask her, placing my hand on her cheek.

"Josh," she croaks. "You're crying."

I laugh through my tears. "I'm just so happy you're okay." I tell her as I wrap my arms around her. "I don't know what I would have done without you."

"I'm so sorry," she cries.

"It's okay," I reassure her. "But never do that to me again," I beg.

"I won't," she frowns. "But when I saw you with Haley," she chokes out, "it just hurt so much. Why did you lie to me? Why didn't you just tell me that you didn't really love me?" She's sobbing by the end.

My heart breaks at her words. "How could you ever think that? Of course I love you! I don't want anyone but you; you're everything to me Cat."

"But I saw-."

I cut her off, "you saw Haley try to kiss me, but what you missed was me pushing her away and chasing after you."

She looked up at me. "You don't want Haley?"

"I could never want anyone but you," I promise, leaning down to kiss her. It starts out as an innocent kiss but quickly turns more passionate.

Just then the doctor walks in. "So I see you're awake," he laughs at our position. I sit back down on my chair but keep hold of Cat's hand.

"So how are you feeling, Catherine?" the doctor continues.

"Pretty good actually," she replies. "But when can I go home?"

"That's what I wanted to discuss." Oh no. "Based on the circumstances surrounding your admission, I don't think you should be left without constant supervision. Can one of your parents stay with you all day?"

"No," she answers quietly.

"In that case, there is an inpatient treatment center close to here that would be perfect for you."

"That isn't going to work," I tell him. I'm not letting Cat out of my sight right now.

"Son I understand that you're worried about her but right now she needs someone watching over her constantly."

"Then she can stay with me," I argue. Cat looks up surprised.

"She isn't going to some treatment center." I tell the doctor in a cold voice.

"Alright then, I'll go get her discharge papers," he says as he turns to leave.

As soon as the door closes, Cat speaks. "Won't me moving in bother you?" she asks

I raise my eyebrow at her question. "Are you crazy?" I ask. "How would having my gorgeous girlfriend live with me bother me?"

She leans up to kiss me, "Thank you."

"Besides if you can't be alone even for a second, then I guess you'll have to sleep in my bed," I smirk at her.

She laughs, "So that was your master plan all along; to get me to sleep with you?"

"Yes," I reply honestly, "But if I have it my way, we won't be doing much sleeping anyway." I wiggle my eyebrows at her and she slaps my arm playfully.

I lean down to kiss her again. But this time I run my hands up and down her sides.

Cat pulls away, but my lips never leave her skin. I begin to kiss a trail down her neck. "Josh," she says breathily, "What are you doing?"

Instead of answering her, I move my hands to her chest.

She moans but tries to pull away, "Josh we can't do this here."

"If you're quiet we can." I tell her as I bring my lips back to her neck. Her back arches off the bed and I take that as a signal to continue. I pull down the flimsy hospital gown she's wearing so I can continue my path. I press kisses between her breasts, but I don't stop there. I keep moving down, past her belly button.

I purposely skip the area where she wants me and I move to kiss her thighs. I press open-mouth kisses up the inside of her right thigh, moving towards her center, but I once again avoid it to kiss back down her left thigh. At this point Cat is a moaning mess.

"Please Josh," she begs.

"Please what?" I ask innocently.

"Mouth—on me—please," she moans out.

At her words, I press my mouth to her center. She moans again and wraps her hands in my hair to keep me in place. I swirl my tongue around her entrance, teasing her.

"More," she begs. I begin making small circles around her clit with my tongue, making sure my tongue ring hits the bundle of nerves. She lets out a quiet scream at the action. I continue this for a few seconds before I take it up a step. I slowly push two of my fingers into her, continuing the motion with my tongue. I only have to pump my fingers a few times before she's coming. Her mouth opens in a silent screams as she rides out her orgasm.

I pull my fingers out of her and lick them clean as I move to lie next to her. I wrap her in the blanket and pull her against my chest.

She looks up at me sleepily, "I love you Josh."

"I love you to," I tell her as she closes her eyes.


	15. Author's Note

Hey guys! Sorry the updates have been slowing down on this story! I've had a really busy few months, but I promise I will finish this story!

So until the next update, I challenge you guys: What do you think is going to happen next?


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